How much stress can one person endure?

Since Christmas, our lives have gotten extremely stressful, and I just haven't had time, or the desire to post. 

For her Christmas present, we sent Jessica went to Oakville to visit her boyfriend Joe for majority of the Christmas break, and about a week after she came home, she told me there was a chance she was pregnant. We live in a small town with no family doctors or walk in clinics, so we had to take her to the hospital in Sarnia. A urine sample later, and we were about to have another addition to our family.

After we returned home, I contacted the midwifery, but with the lack of doctors and hospitals in the region(the hospital in our town no longer has a maternity ward, so everyone here has to go to Sarnia, Chatham, or London for high risk pregnancies or anyone who wants an epidural), they had no openings. They did order an ultrasound for us though, to make sure of the dating, because they had some openings in July. We went on January 7th, and the ultrasound said she was 10 weeks, 4 days.

Ever since then, I've been dealing with phone calls out the wazoo. Her boyfriend's mother called me practically daily for the first week, I had to deal with an already hormonal teen trying to figure out what to do, hearing stories of all her friends back home betraying her and telling other kids about it, fighting with my husband over what we're going to do, how we're going to make this all work, fighting with Jessica telling her she had to tell our parents, etc. 

On top of that, Jessica has a teacher who was very inappropriate, allowing students to perform the Nazi salute, and herself doing so… I had to write a letter to the school and school board to rectify this. We also decided that Jessica should be educated from home, and contacted her guidance counsellor to have her enrolled with AMDEC. Jessica was given a print off of all the courses she could take, and I was given a form to sign. But when Jessica went to drop off her course selection, the guidance counsellor had changed her mind.

Now she was refusing to enrol her. I contacted the vice principal - he said no, I contacted the principal - even he said no. I  contacted other schools, they said they couldn't help us. I contacted AMDEC, they couldn't help us. I contacted other e-schools, and they're unsure if they can help us(still pursuing), I contacted HSLDA, but without a paid membership, they couldn't provide me with much information. I contacted the OFTP but no one ever replied. I was hoping to have this all taken care of before the new semester started, but it began yesterday. 

I think I'm just going to educated her from home on my own, but I'm scared of the added stress - whether or not what I teach her will be valid, if I'll be good at it, all those feelings that most homeschooling parents probably feel the first few years… but I'm being thrown into it near the end. Jessica is already behind on her credits,  and last thing I want to do is hinder her chances of getting her diploma. I don't know what her plan is after the baby arrives, whether she will return to school or not, and if so - when, if she wants to do post secondary. I just don't know. I've looked into other online/at home courses, but one course costs $499. Jessica only has 7 credits… We don't have that kind of money. I think for this semester, I'll try to do it from home. If it doesn't work out, then next semester she can go to school, or sign herself out of school if that's her choice.

The thing that really gets me, is the school said she had to go to school, because she won't do the work from home. Jessica has had problems since week 2 of living here, waking up for school. One week she only attended one afternoon class… She's not getting to school, so she's not able to do the work. I even told her if they did not enrol her through AMDEC that come March when she turns 16, she would just drop out because she's so unimpressed with this school(back to the teach who does the Nazi salute - she also has to read to the class because the students can't read very well). That didn't sway them at all. They say they have her best interest in mind, yet they will be the reason she drops out...

And if all of that wasn't enough, early this week, Jessica and I had a falling out and she left. She and Emmanuel hadn't been getting along, and I was just fed up with having to side with both of them, that I just gave up on her. We were doing so much for her, and it didn't feel like any of it was appreciated. Joe's mom came and picked her up around 8pm, and she moved out. It was horrible. I spent over an hour lying in bed crying, I had a complete meltdown. I just had enough. I couldn't stand having to make both her and my husband happy, amongst all my other roles as home manager, wife, mother, and provider to Jessica. When she left, she barely even said bye. Emmanuel text'd Joe telling her to come say goodbye to me properly, and a few minutes later, she came back. We just hugged each other, sobbing, saying 'I love you'. We've since spoken, Emmanuel has apologized for the way he made her feel, we set down some new house rules, and she's coming back on Saturday.

Oh, and to throw some more into the mix, I've been trying to plan Pinxit's 2nd birthday parties(because her grandparents refuse to be in the same room together), as well as a joined party in Ottawa with my friend Lindsay and her daughter Talina, possibly some sort of party/parties with my family for Pinxit as they won't be able to make it here for her parties and we won't be able to come back in April, Jessica's baby shower, oh and a trip to Ottawa of course. I also have to start baking and decorating cakes like a mad man to prepare myself for August, because I'm making Emmanuel's brother's wedding cake. At least I have all these birthday and baby shower parties to practice. Hah. Then there's Artwalk the first weekend of June that I have to start cranking out crafts and art for to sell. I'm going to look into it and see if I can sell cupcakes/baked goods as well because that's so much easier to complete than individual pieces of art and crafts… Hah.

I think you now understand why I haven't posted, and why I probably won't have the time to do anytime soon either. I think I'm going to start seeing a therapist or something, because I need to figure out a way to deal with all this, and cope with the stress. I'm so glad I don't work outside the home, or I would probably have to admit myself to the loony bin. Hah.

And then there were six!

No, we’re not pregnant with twins or anything of the sort if that's what you were thinking… We have added two fur babies to our family! Jessica brought an adorable grey fluffy ball kitten she named “DeathMetal”, and we purchased a beautiful ‘blue’ Chihuahua with a bit of fawn and white on his belly and toes, and a touch of fawn on his face. We have named him Vincent after Don McLean’s song about Vincent Van Gogh. He was an early Christmas present for the family, which we got for a complete steal! His colour is very rare, so we are considering breeding him later on - but only after we find him a companion in a year or more. Pinxit simply adores the two of them and all things considered, she’s really good with them. But she still has to learn not to pick up the cat not by the throat…

In other news, Christmas is quickly approaching (in case you’ve been living under a rock), and we are done shopping. Emmanuel and I started early this year(back in April or so), and compiled a list of things we wanted to give people, set a budget, and started purchasing early. We’ve spent a long time figuring out how we want to celebrate the holidays and what traditions we want to include for our family. Originally I didn’t want to have anything to do with Santa - I don’t think it’s right for kids to think that all their ‘good’ gifts come from some fictitious person, especially when majority of the population lives in poverty. I also don’t think kids should grow up to think that the only reason they should be good is so that Santa will give them gifts. But most importantly, I don’t want my kids to go up to be materialistic and think that’s all Christmas time is about.

It’s kind of hard for me though, because if I were Christian like Emmanuel is, it would be so simple to focus on the religious aspects. Not saying we won’t teach any of it to her, but it won’t be the main focus. Originally it was hard to convince Emmanuel to ditch the Santa routine, but last year we did just that. Recently I started to think about the topic again, and all the things she would miss out on that I know were such a joy for myself as a child; things like the Santa Claus parade, seeing Santa at the mall, Christmas movies and special shows, etc. If we were to remove it from her life, we would have to avoid the malls, keep the tv off(as we now have decided to have cable again), not let her see other kids so she doesn’t ruin their Christmas… That just seems like a lot of work for something she’ll only believe in for the next 6-8 years, and will create lifetime of memories for her.

So for now we have decided that she’ll get her stocking, one ‘cool’ gift from Santa, and then things like socks or other clothes from Santa. We also have tried to figure out how to incorporate our parents traditions as well as creating our own. Things that my dad always does is puts clementines into our stockings, as well as with all our candy and chocolate he included a toothbrush. And every year we always got socks - a tradition I didn’t always love, but have for the last several years. One tradition Emmanuel wants to include is opening one present the night before, which like most families who do this, will be pyjamas. 

Something new we want to do, is in our stockings to include a book in place of all that excessive chocolate everyone is used to getting. Not saying we won’t have any, but I find people end up over indulging that way. And to deflect some of the attention from Santa, we’re going to do a lot of family activities. Making ornaments, decorating the tree, baking, watching movies, making homemade presents, wrapping gifts together…

I’m really quite excited for this holiday season now that we’ve made these decisions.

And then there were four...

I just started this new blog, and I felt the need to include some older from my Tumblr account, hence the "originally posted" posts. I could spend forever getting everyone caught up on my past, but instead I think I'll just move forward from here on out.

In the last year my husband and I have moved 3 times - from Sarnia just after the wedding to Kitchener, where we lived for a good 6 months, then from Kitchener to my father-in-law's house in Wallaceburg, and just recently now into our own apartment in Wallaceburg. We plan to stay put for awhile now I hope. Hah. 

The reason for this move has to do with a number of things, but predominantly  that some issues had risen with my sister Jessica in regards to hanging out with the wrong group of kids and school, among other things which I do not care to share with the world - nor would she likely appreciate. She’s in need of a life change to get back on track as she is a really good person, who just has made some not so good decisions recently, so she moved in with us.

This has been a big change for all of us. For her, having moved 9 hours away from everything she’s ever known, leaving her boyfriend behind, etc. And for us - adding another person to our family unit who happens to be a 15 year old… Anyone with teenagers or siblings this age knows what benefits and downfalls this can include.

I think the difference will be the fact that I am her sister, though I did help raise her. See, our parents split when she was only two. Our mother wanted to take the youngest two, leaving my dad with the eldest two. Well my father would not separate us(which I am really thankful for), so he ended up with all four of us. I being 10 years older than my sister, and with our father working, I took over the role of the ‘mother’ for my younger sister and brother, as we only saw ours every other weekend.

Because of this, I have a huge advantage in helping her out. She has a different form of respect for me than our father because she looks up to me, like most younger siblings do. I think because of this, we won’t be dealing with disrespect and back talk that most parents receive from their teens. At least I can hope. Hah.

We decided on an apartment with 3 bedrooms, and 1.5 bath. It’s a 2 floor walk up building with a huge park right next door. Nearly everything we need is in walking distance. It’s perfect. Because we still cosleep, Pinxit is rooming with us, so the third room is our art and tattoo room - we are very excited about this. Emmanuel has a lot of customers here, so it’s nice to have a place where he can just have all his things set up, that he doesn’t have to pack up all the time(like at our last place where he had to work out of the kitchen - wow that sounds so ghetto…). 

And I’m excited to have a place where I can start a project and not have to pack it up if I’m interrupted by a certain little one… Where I can just close the door and come back to it later. I think it will help me complete more projects because now I really can just work on something for 5 or 10 minutes at a time, rather than needing to ‘book’ creative time into my day - which anyone who does anything artistic knows that’s really not how creativity works. Hah. I have projects from 3 years ago that need to be started/finished… 

I'm so excited to have our own place again!

Love Declaration Celebration

Originally posted April 21st 2010

Emmanuel and I both wanted to be married on Halloween before we ever even met - though I think it is a fairly common desire in the modified community. I being a typical girl, have been dreaming about this day for most of my life. I wanted an elaborate wedding, and in ways we did go all out and in others we just didn’t care at all.

Planning began practically the moment he proposed, but nothing was really set in stone until 6 months before the big day. Being that we got pregnant only a few weeks after getting engaged, most of our energy was focused on the pregnancy.

I planned to do everything I could myself. I even considered making my dress and the cake at one point. Over all I ended up doing all 85 invitations all by hand(not with one of those fancy Cri-cut machines or anything), plus the response cards, I made my own bouquet, spent endless hours searching Etsy for the perfect gifts for the wedding party - custom silk screened ties that Emmanuel picked the images for the guys, and I never found the perfect gifts for the girls so I made them handmade custom bags, put together all the other items for the wedding party’s “rock star VIP” packs - including VIP backstage passes our friend Paul did the designs for, and I had them laminated as well as sorting through a ton of M&M’s to give each person only one colour(minus Zoe who’s vegan so she got vegan friendly candy), I purchased endless amounts of Halloween decorations, material for table cloths, made ‘loot bag’ style favours for the guests which included handmade caramel apples which I made with Candice and my sister Jessica the night before the wedding, centre pieces, homemade soap for the bathrooms… I made my own veil and fascinator, did my own hair(not the styling though, Lucy from work did that) and makeup, made Pinxit’s headband and skirt for the reception, purchased shoes online that I had to fix so that the rivets along the back wouldn’t cut up my  heel and replace the ribbon in them so they matched my dress, designed my dress, designed the cake, made the cake topper, hmm I think that’s it. Haha.

We chose our church - The Story - as the venue, along with our pastor Joe Manafo who originally married us, to do the ceremony. Plans changed several times(in terms of where to hold the ceremony, rental of chairs and tables, linens, etc), and eventually we ended up just deciding to have the ceremony at the new church that Emmanuel’s youth pastor opened.

I was late arriving at the church, mainly because it took all morning to do my hair(I think Lucy felt stressed, and took her time working on me), but then because we had to go across town to the hotel for me to do my makeup, get dressed, have photos taken, AND get Pinxit ready. Luckily I had Mae, Mae’s mom(Cathy), Jessica, and Candice to help out.

The ceremony was emotional, and I started crying before either of us even said our vows, haha. We played “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to see who would say their vows first, which Emmanuel won. He had every one choked up when he said his vows. I on the other hand had people laughing. We had planned to exchange high fives again, but clearly forgot because neither of us did it when we planned to. We at least had rings this time(just barely though, they got to us a few days before the wedding) that I found on Etsy as well, which we had inscribed ‘31.10.09’ on one side, and ‘this day anything goes’ on the other. It's short, sweet, and straight to the point.

Emmanuel’s Vows:

your smile, your laughter

you were who I was waiting for

regardless of the distance 

I was swept by pretty eyes and letters

I knew you were someone worth waiting for

you were the only thought that ever felt real

thunderstorms could never stop me

cause there is no one in the world like you

you’re simple yet confusing

your sparkling eyes make me weak at my words

days seemed like years in the month of December

and never will I give up trying cause you’re everything to me

cause there is no one in the world like you

Tiffany I promise to cherish you, honour you, and love you for now forever

to infinity and beyond

My Vows:

These are the hands of your best friend. They will forever love you, and hold you close

These hands will provide for us along side yours, and will help to build our future

These hands will comfort you, and will give you strength when needed

These hands will wipe the tears of sorrow, and tears of joy, from your eyes

These hands will hold our children, and together with yours, will keep our family together as one

And these hands will knock out your teeth if you ever go astray

These are the hands that when aged, will still be reaching out for yours, to infinity and beyond

After the ceremony, there was a lot of confusion, and finally after organizing everyone, we headed off to the Bluewater Bridge to have our photos taken with the wedding party. I had hoped Pinxit would be involved, but out by the water being the day before November, it was far too cold without having to put her in a snowsuit, so she sat out. I’m actually kind of really upset that from the entire day there wasn’t a single photo of her with us taken. Nor did we ever get family photos done. It was hard enough to get all of our parents together being that both of our sets are separated, so it’s not even like we could get photos taken again at a later date. I can hope for it, but it won’t be the same, and my hair will never be the same, so it would be obvious anyways. Oh well. I guess that’s why people pay for wedding planners to make sure this stuff all happens… On the plus side, I just found 3 photos of me holding Pinxit, and one photo of my mother and I. Now my mother can stop complaining. Haha.

We had a large gap between the ceremony and the reception so that people with children could take them Trick or Treating, and those without would have plenty of time to get their Halloween costumes ready. Well our wedding party wasn’t on the ball yet again, and it was moments before we were to make our zombie entrance, and people were still getting their makeup put on. If we ever renew our vows, I’m going with one, maybe two people tops because trying to keep a hold on 6 girls and 6 guys is ridiculous. At one point we even lost my mom and sister Karley because she told Mae’s mom not to wait for them while they went Trick or Treating, and it wasn’t till about an hour after the reception started that I noticed.

Highlights of the night included: Candice running a cheesy ‘prom photo’ style photo booth for us so everyone could have their picture taken in costume, my wedding party surrounding me so we could sing along to Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” completely vocally(I guess a cappella, but it was along with the music, so not really. Haha…), Mae and Candice grinding Emmanuel and I while dancing to “I’m On A Boat” by The Lonely Island, umm not really a highlight in terms of good but I found a melted chocolate down my dress that a girl put down my cleavage and ended up in pj’s for the rest of the reception(my sister rules at picking out clothing… haha) and having my mom freak out and nearly go on a death rampage.

Then having to do clean up, while most people stood around too drunk to help or do a good job, and I don’t like to leave things undone(especially because there was to be church service the next morning, and the clean up crew never showed up/did their job). I believe we finally got to the hotel at around 3am - Mae and her mom watched Pinxit for a bit so we could have some alone time, but after I took a bath in the awesome jacuzzi tub in our room, we were ready to pass out. Plus she got fussy(poor kid didn’t go to sleep till she was back with us), so we just watched some tv, and had family cuddle time in a huge king size bed.

After checking out in the morning and getting my dad and siblings, we went for lunch with most of the wedding party and a few other guests, and then we went to my father in laws for a few days. Not much of a honeymoon - to this day we still haven’t had one, nor are there any plans anytime soon. We said we were going to go to do a road trip to Graceland this summer, but because the DMV was on strike for so long, neither of us have our licences, and Emmanuel’s completely expired so he has to start all over again, so we won’t be doing that. And next summer we plan to be pregnant again, so either we’ll have to change plans, or just hold off for a few more years.

Photos to follow, I just have to try to get myself down to around 100, as we collectively have somewhere around 1,000 photos between the photographer Troy Shantz, as well as Nathan, Emmanuel’s aunt, and all the guests who posted photos on Facebook. I also still have photos from Candice to receive and go through… Haha.

--------------------------------------------------

Wedding photos by Troy Shantz