Home Manager. Momma. Hairstylist. Artist. Lover. Fighter. Everything and anything.

Friday, February 4, 2011

How much stress can one person endure?

Since Christmas, our lives have gotten extremely stressful, and I just haven't had time, or the desire to post. 

For her Christmas present, we sent Jessica went to Oakville to visit her boyfriend Joe for majority of the Christmas break, and about a week after she came home, she told me there was a chance she was pregnant. We live in a small town with no family doctors or walk in clinics, so we had to take her to the hospital in Sarnia. A urine sample later, and we were about to have another addition to our family.

After we returned home, I contacted the midwifery, but with the lack of doctors and hospitals in the region(the hospital in our town no longer has a maternity ward, so everyone here has to go to Sarnia, Chatham, or London for high risk pregnancies or anyone who wants an epidural), they had no openings. They did order an ultrasound for us though, to make sure of the dating, because they had some openings in July. We went on January 7th, and the ultrasound said she was 10 weeks, 4 days.

Ever since then, I've been dealing with phone calls out the wazoo. Her boyfriend's mother called me practically daily for the first week, I had to deal with an already hormonal teen trying to figure out what to do, hearing stories of all her friends back home betraying her and telling other kids about it, fighting with my husband over what we're going to do, how we're going to make this all work, fighting with Jessica telling her she had to tell our parents, etc. 

On top of that, Jessica has a teacher who was very inappropriate, allowing students to perform the Nazi salute, and herself doing so… I had to write a letter to the school and school board to rectify this. We also decided that Jessica should be educated from home, and contacted her guidance counsellor to have her enrolled with AMDEC. Jessica was given a print off of all the courses she could take, and I was given a form to sign. But when Jessica went to drop off her course selection, the guidance counsellor had changed her mind.

Now she was refusing to enrol her. I contacted the vice principal - he said no, I contacted the principal - even he said no. I  contacted other schools, they said they couldn't help us. I contacted AMDEC, they couldn't help us. I contacted other e-schools, and they're unsure if they can help us(still pursuing), I contacted HSLDA, but without a paid membership, they couldn't provide me with much information. I contacted the OFTP but no one ever replied. I was hoping to have this all taken care of before the new semester started, but it began yesterday. 

I think I'm just going to educated her from home on my own, but I'm scared of the added stress - whether or not what I teach her will be valid, if I'll be good at it, all those feelings that most homeschooling parents probably feel the first few years… but I'm being thrown into it near the end. Jessica is already behind on her credits,  and last thing I want to do is hinder her chances of getting her diploma. I don't know what her plan is after the baby arrives, whether she will return to school or not, and if so - when, if she wants to do post secondary. I just don't know. I've looked into other online/at home courses, but one course costs $499. Jessica only has 7 credits… We don't have that kind of money. I think for this semester, I'll try to do it from home. If it doesn't work out, then next semester she can go to school, or sign herself out of school if that's her choice.

The thing that really gets me, is the school said she had to go to school, because she won't do the work from home. Jessica has had problems since week 2 of living here, waking up for school. One week she only attended one afternoon class… She's not getting to school, so she's not able to do the work. I even told her if they did not enrol her through AMDEC that come March when she turns 16, she would just drop out because she's so unimpressed with this school(back to the teach who does the Nazi salute - she also has to read to the class because the students can't read very well). That didn't sway them at all. They say they have her best interest in mind, yet they will be the reason she drops out...

And if all of that wasn't enough, early this week, Jessica and I had a falling out and she left. She and Emmanuel hadn't been getting along, and I was just fed up with having to side with both of them, that I just gave up on her. We were doing so much for her, and it didn't feel like any of it was appreciated. Joe's mom came and picked her up around 8pm, and she moved out. It was horrible. I spent over an hour lying in bed crying, I had a complete meltdown. I just had enough. I couldn't stand having to make both her and my husband happy, amongst all my other roles as home manager, wife, mother, and provider to Jessica. When she left, she barely even said bye. Emmanuel text'd Joe telling her to come say goodbye to me properly, and a few minutes later, she came back. We just hugged each other, sobbing, saying 'I love you'. We've since spoken, Emmanuel has apologized for the way he made her feel, we set down some new house rules, and she's coming back on Saturday.

Oh, and to throw some more into the mix, I've been trying to plan Pinxit's 2nd birthday parties(because her grandparents refuse to be in the same room together), as well as a joined party in Ottawa with my friend Lindsay and her daughter Talina, possibly some sort of party/parties with my family for Pinxit as they won't be able to make it here for her parties and we won't be able to come back in April, Jessica's baby shower, oh and a trip to Ottawa of course. I also have to start baking and decorating cakes like a mad man to prepare myself for August, because I'm making Emmanuel's brother's wedding cake. At least I have all these birthday and baby shower parties to practice. Hah. Then there's Artwalk the first weekend of June that I have to start cranking out crafts and art for to sell. I'm going to look into it and see if I can sell cupcakes/baked goods as well because that's so much easier to complete than individual pieces of art and crafts… Hah.

I think you now understand why I haven't posted, and why I probably won't have the time to do anytime soon either. I think I'm going to start seeing a therapist or something, because I need to figure out a way to deal with all this, and cope with the stress. I'm so glad I don't work outside the home, or I would probably have to admit myself to the loony bin. Hah.

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