Home Manager. Momma. Hairstylist. Artist. Lover. Fighter. Everything and anything.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Pinxit's birthday letter - April 9th 2011

To my little princess,

Today you turned two. You no longer are a little baby, but my big girl. It's s hard for me to say that. I didn't think this day would come so soon! Papa knew you were a big girl about a week ago, when you made me go to bed with you(instead of just falling asleep on my lap) while we were watching Harry Potter, and you made me get up, not once, but twice, to fully close the door, because the tv was too loud and you couldn't get to sleep. You have grown not only physically(a whole 5 1/2 inches, and 5 pounds), but intellectually.

I've always thought you were exceptionally smart, I don't know if I'm just bias - but you picked up signing so well, and though we don't do it very much anymore, you know over 50 signs. Last summer while in Ottawa, you taught our friend Sherri-Lynn's daughter Sienna to sign 'ball' and she taught you how to say it. It was your first word. I'm hoping once things calm down in our family life, we can start signing again, and hope you pursue it into your adult life.

Right now, Jessica(or Jeppy as you call her) and Joe are living with us. They're about 5 months pregnant, and though we have to wait to see her doctor next month to know for sure, I'm positive I saw a penis on the ultrasound. You like to talk to her belly, and tell the baby you love it, and 'kiss the baby'. You are so sweet. You've also started asking for 'a baby sister', so now I have both you and papa pressuring me.

I think we've successfully weaned you. You still want to nurse, and ask in your sleep sometimes, but usually only every 3 or 4 days. I'd love to nurse you longer, but you are just so rude! I'm sorry to say it, but I've tried everything to teach you good nursing manners, but you pinch, and pull down my shirt at all the wrong times, and will not sleep through the night. Plus your nana REALLY wants to take you for the night, but if you're still nursing to sleep, it wouldn't be possible. Plus with us moving possibly as soon as June or July, the chances of her getting that opportunity were getting even slimmer.

As for the move, we're planning to move in with gramps. We hoped taking Jess in that it would help his mental state, but then with finding out she's pregnant, dealing with her schooling and CAS, I think it's caused even more stress for him. And anytime now, Kyle and his girlfriend Michelle will likely move out on their own, leaving dad with a huge house for just him and Jayson. Apparently after I moved out, my nana mentioned to gramps that maybe he should think about finding a smaller place, so I can only assume once Kyle's gone, they'll really start to push him out the door. So as much as it will help us get to Ottawa financially, this is all for him. He did so much for us kids, that I feel it's my duty to help him out now.

With this move there will be loads of benefits for you! Not only do we know a few friends with kids your age(such as Talina and Paetyn) but there's museums, and kids groups, we can enrol you into dance once you turn 3, pools, parks, the list goes on and on. Having a good bus service will make things easier for us to explore as well. I'm so excited to get a membership to the Children's Museum! You had such a good time when we went to the Museum of Nature, and you got to see all the dinosaurs. Though they were just fossils and skeletons, you knew the second we walked through the door what they were!

Your favourite things right now besides dinos, are making monster noises, playing pretend(especially kitchen, and making everyone soup with your cheese shaker), tormenting Wrong Cat(Jess' cat), playing with cell phones, and cuddling Vincent. Your favourite shows are Mickey Mouse Club House, Handy Manny, Yo Gabba Gabba, and The Cat In The Hat Knows A lot About That. Your favourite movies are Toy Story, and Oliver and Company, and your favourite toys are your Woody doll, and your Ikea "Mousie" doll. You also really love shoes. Right now you have 6 pairs that fit, and I bet if you could, you'd buy more. 

Your favourite foods are raw carrots, cooked broccoli, any kind of soup(but especially vegetable), all kinds of pasta, cheese, pretzels, pizza, raisins(which you like to call chocolate, but you know is not chocolate), dip(to you, it is a food, and not something to go with food), sunflower seeds and trail mixes. You of course like most kids really like candy, chocolate, and gum, but don't seem to care too much for desserts, like my awesome cupcakes… In January we both started trying meat. You haven't really warmed up to anything really. You sometimes like tuna, chicken, ground beef, and certain lunch meats. You still prefer your soy products. You used to always ask for juice, but now that you're not nursing, you ask for milk a lot more, and constantly ask for water. You have the most amazing dexterity, and ever since you started feeding yourself(around a year old I think), you have almost always held your utensils properly. Same with drawing utensils. I guess you're just following in the footsteps of your name.

We've started going on walks together fairly regularly. We bought this monkey backpack/harness that you have a love-hate relationship with. You often think it's a punishment to put it on, but as the days go by, the more you like it, and are willing to put it on, or even go grab it so we can go out. I've started teaching you about road safety, though I don't know if it's a waste of time or not… We live by a set of train tracks, beside a busy road, so I try to stress to you how important it is so pay attention to me, and to stop and look both ways before crossing. It hasn't sunk in yet, but I like to think you're retaining the information.

The more we go out, the more independence I see from you, and it scares me. You just want to learn about everything, you say hello to everyone you see, which I don't always love. You are very opinionated, and started your terrible two stage about 6 months ago. You tend to throw yourself on the ground, or hit yourself on the head if you don't get your way. You recently learned how to scream as well. Not my favourite quality of yours. Sometimes you really test my nerves, and many times I've yelled and even screamed at you to get you to listen. I hate when I get angry with you, because it reminds me of my mom and how I never wanted to be anything like her. It's the whole reason I always said as a teen that I'd never have kids of my own. You will be the true test of whether on not a person can break the cycle.

Another way in which you've tested me, is with our decision to not vaccinate you. I don't regret making this choice, but it's hard when everyone around me tells me otherwise. I don't know if it's because we have lived in a small town(and with which follows small town mentality) most of your life, but I have questioned said decision on both occasions you have been sick(a feat in itself if you ask me! Two years old and only been sick twice? Amazing!). The first time you were ever sick, you nearly killed me. You suffer from febrile seizures when you have fevers, and while we were on our way over to the hospital to see if you had an infection, you had a seizure in the car. I knew right away that's what was happening, and once in the hospital I had to watch you continue to seize, and your face freeze in place once it stopped - I thought for sure your face was going to stay that way(for some reason I thought seizures were like strokes), and I had to watch them put an IV in you, hook up breathing masks and all these monitors… It was horrible. I had to try and help the nurse put your catheter in, but she wasn't instructing me on what to do and got pissed off at me(it's not like I went to medical school… jerk). 

There was talk of having to do a spinal tap to make sure you didn't have meningitis, but they decided to pass on it after observation(which was something like 4 hours afterwards I believe). They left your IV in, and told us to come back in the morning because they found nothing wrong with you, and over night you ripped out your IV and got blood all over us and the bed. We slept in shifts, scared that you'd seize again, and before morning you had spiked a fever yet again. Turns out you had an ear infection. Afterwards papa questioned the decision too, and I felt completely alone. I felt like I made this choice on my own, and had something happened to you, I only had myself to blame. I considered vaccinating after that, but as I researched each vaccination yet again, I was only considering a small handful of them, and papa never brought it up again, so I stayed true to myself. I really hope this choice is the right one.

Since I started trying to wean you, you've FINALLY slept through the night entirely. But almost every night you either cry out a random word(today it was soup), or you sit up and turn yourself side ways or upside-down, and continue sleeping. You know exactly how you like to sleep, and will push us out of the way if we're invading 'your space'. I think the next step will be pulling your bed up beside ours, and see if we can transition you into your own bed. I love sleeping with you, and would probably do it till you're 6, but I know papa wants his space, and if we're ever going to make you a sibling, you need to not be in the way. Also there's no way all 4 of us would fit in a queen when said sibling is born.

I recently have been thinking a lot about not having another sibling. I really like you, and I'm scared that the next baby will take my attention and time away, or that I could possibly love them more because I'm now a seasoned parent, and there's not the learning curb to deal with. It scares me. I also worry for the next baby, that it could be the other way around, and that I favour you because you're my first. Or that there won't be as much time to take 3000 photos of them, like we did with you, and when they grow up they think they weren't as important because there's less solo photos of them(I was a second child, that's how I felt). Or that there won't be special alone time, because there'd be two of you around all the time. I just don't know. We've put it off for almost a year now, and it's coming up on my "timeline" for when I would want the next baby born, and I don't know what to do. I hope whatever we choose you don't hate us for it.

I'm so grateful to be your mom, and as I see you develop, I know I've done well helping to guide you. You are such an amusing, intelligent, beautiful person. I love you so, so, SO MUCH. And thank you for loving me back just as much.

Love always,


No comments:

Post a Comment